Woman plans surprise birthday for boyfriend, only to have his friends ditch it out of embarrassment, causing tension in their relationship: ‘They left before we even sang happy birthday’

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    r/AITAH 2 days ago hardboiledegg AITA for surprising my boyfriend for his birthday, causing him to lose his friend group?
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    My boyfriend and I are both 21, and we share the same birth month. He has a friend group I'm not that close with, but we know each other well enough. I don't remember exactly how many people are in the group, but I know there are at least two girls.
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    Now, onto the scenario: as mentioned, we're both October babies, but as early as September 28, I treated him for his birthday (which is on October 2), and later in the month, we had a joint date (our birthday tradition). I'd been planning for a while to surprise him on campus on his actual birthday, but I also invited him
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    out for pizza to congratulate him for finishing his exams. The pizza date got pushed back until it ended up being planned for his birthday.
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    There were no problems with that date, but when I asked him what his plans were for his actual birthday, he said he had none, so I decided to go ahead with my surprise. My only concern with this was that we might miss each other by going to a different campus entrance/exit, so I messaged one of his friends to be
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    my accomplice. His friend agreed, so I set up the plan (which really just involved buying a cake).
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    When his birthday came, I planned to get there around 2:30 or 3 p.m. since that was the time their classes ended for the day. As I was getting ready his friend called, saying they'd been let out early, so he was rushing me to get there. I didn't even have time to fully prepare my outfit or my things because I just rushed over
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    to his campus. His friends invited him to eat somewhere near their campus so we won't miss each other.
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    When I arrived, he and a few of his other friends went out to buy some other things, but he didn't see me because of his poor eyesight. So, I just went to their table to set up his cake. The friends who were left behind at the table were kind and chatted with me for a bit until he came back. When he arrived at the
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    table, I greeted him and sat him down. Some of his friends started teasing, saying, "Let's sing (happy birthday)!" so I waited for them to start so I could join in. But suddenly, over half of his friend left. It got awkward. I ended up just whispering the song to him and had him blow out the candle. He hurried to finish his food, and then we left.
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    When we got to my place, he opened up to me, saying he was hurt that they'd left us behind. It felt like they didn't appreciate him on his birthday. I felt so bad because I guessed they left because they felt awkward around me, causing the situation to hurt my boyfriend.
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    Remember when I mentioned there were girls in the group? I've had a gut feeling that one of them might like him. I've noticed a some things, but we chalked it up to just me being jealous (though I still felt suspicious deep down). Apparently, when the others left before we could, they all went
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    with that girl. After that day, he started distancing himself from them a bit to set some boundaries regarding how they treated him that day. He told me they're always hanging around that girl now, that even his closest friend in the group (the one who helped me with the surprise) doesn't hang out with him
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    anymore. I told him that this kind of confirmed my feeling that the girl likes him, and maybe that's why she didn't like me being there.
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    Anyway, since then, he hasn't been hanging out with them because he wants them to realize that what they did was disrespectful. But lately, he's been feeling sad and lonely since he no longer has anyone to hang out with during his breaks or after class. He doesn't blame me for what happened since the original
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    plan wasn't supposed to go down like that. I was just supposed to surprise him at the gate, and then we'd head off somewhere else.
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    So, am I the ah le for continuing my surprise even if we already went out for his birthday, causing all of this to happen?
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    EDIT: I might delete this if it gets bigger than it should because | don't really want it to get to the wrong places. I only posted to get clarification on if I did anything wrong/made wrong decisions. Thank you so much for everyone's input and advice!!
  • 19
    TheGreat Depres... • 2d ago • Naw, it's clear his friend group is wack. They lack emotional intelligence on how their actions can affect someone. If anything he's better off seeing how they are through their actions than down the line realizing his friends are childish.
  • 20
    BeMandalorTo... 2d ago NTA These people were rude. They didn't appreciate. him on his birthday and that's not on you at all.

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